Why the Urbane R?

I am a great source of amusement to my many liberal friends. They, having chosen Seattle, see our city as a shining citadel of progressive ideals. No “Cafeteria Democrats” in our town, picking and choosing from what they wish. Political progressives have flocked to Seattle because they find the kind of commitment which fuels their passion: a solid determination to do and be better than the place from which they came. They came here and met me: Republican, even a staunch supporter of the party. Yet, perplexingly, at the same time liberal by any measure outside of the Seattle-Berkeley-Greenwich Village perspective. How strange. How can you, they ask while busting-up laughing, pick and choose among different issues, yet still be part of “your” movement, they wonder. Where is your passion, your commitment, if you find yourself at odds with conservative ideology regarding abortion, the environment, and corporate welfare? How can you be a Republican and know in your heart that Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot?

I should say that I am amusing to Democrats for three out of four years in the election cycle. This is because when the hustings begin in earnest, Democrats put their game faces on and morph into that cynical, you-are-so-ignorant laugh – a season of laughter which ends only after November - or when Democrats have exhausted all appeal options, whichever comes first. We are now in this period. I usually look forward to the e-mails inviting me to dig out invasive plants in the greenbelts. I show up so my liberal friends can rile me up - to the great amusement of patchouli-drenched, hemp-hatted post-grads who are there to help save Seattle from engulfment in English Ivy-Kudzu – with the enticement of a convenient Republican target to nail with zingers. Maybe it is the act of opening up one’s checkbook to make non-tax-deductible campaign contributions which takes away the general desire for frivolity. This year it’s even worse than any time since the Teapot Dome scandal.

Which leads to the next very important point in this earth-shattering essay: I won’t vote for a candidate who has not made his or her laughter available for analysis. Really put it out there, no lawyers involved or anything. Laughter can tell you a whole lot about a person. Mary Lou Dickerson has a really great laugh, and she’s not afraid to use it either. But let’s see, her Association of Washington Business score is 25%. See the kind of quandaries I get into? My advice is to assess those laughs carefully: Great big full-throated holler fills the room confidently. Sneaky little nose laugh just barely slips out. Machine gun dolphin squeal sends you diving for cover. To name a few. Maybe you can come up with a few more (only this time, good) examples. In order to really know someone, and size them up, you have got to have a sense of their laughter. Howard Dean, are you listening? Snort.

So why then, are you a Republican, they ask. Suppress the usual ribald retort, I tell myself. Frankly, it is because I can define who I am politically, is the sincere reply. And then, getting on my high horse will launch into it: Look, there is this guy named Dan Evans. Used to be a politician. Never screwed up. Never wrote a book. So, if you are all hemp-and-patchouli, have never heard of the guy. But he used to rock the system. Did wild stuff, like put together bi-partisan coalitions to cut out the fringes at both extremes - and actually got good government bills passed in Olympia – on issues like urban growth, the environment and pro-choice laws. Yes, I know it sounds crazy. It was another time. None of the stresses we have to deal with today, just stuff like Vietnam and Cold War nuclear conflict. It was mild era. In my deepest yearnings, I know we can get back to that time again. You Republicans, just so retrograde, comes the reply.

Then there’s the economy, stupid. I developed this “life style” while in college, as my umbrage grew at the professors who railed against capitalism – and savaged any attempt at civil discourse. To hear (and then be expected to regurgitate) that the predatory entrepreneurial instincts of our society should be suppressed, and made more humane by the guiding hand of government programs - led straight to haircuts and polo shirts for so many of us “neo” conservatives. But that hemp hat does look kind of practical for working in the greenbelts.